I haven't posted in a week. I've had trouble putting my thoughts into words lately. I have been in a bit of a rut I guess. I keep trying to get into a schedule, and then I end up not following it. Jeff was talking to me yesterday about it, and he said that I am so task oriented that I am not allowing myself time to have fun. He does have a good point. Our pastor spoke Sunday about joy, and how we tap into that joy with the help of the Holy Spirit. I know that I don't seem joyful a lot of times, and I have so many reasons to be joyful! Just the fact that Christ is my Savior should bring me joy! I know that the more time I spend with God, the more I will find joy. He is the joy giver!
I think that moms can sortof lose their identity sometimes, and that can be a joy stealer. Before Evie was born, I was so adventurous. When I was 19, I took a job as a nanny and moved to Wyoming. I loved being outdoors, and actually wanted to be a park ranger for Yellowstone. When Jeff and I got married, he also was very adventurous, and we ended up moving to South Dakota after being married for a year. We lived in a camper about 9 miles from Mount Rushmore in the middle of winter. Boy do we have stories to tell! It seems that I have lost a lot of my adventurous spirit, and I want to get it back. I want Evie to know me as being someone who is fun loving and exciting. Not someone who is boring and dull. I can say that I have grown up a lot, and that part is good. I don't want to be the immature person I used to be. But I do want to be adventurous again. I'm not sure how to get that back. Skydiving maybe? Just kidding. I guess I have this person that I want to be in my mind, and I don't know how to make that happen. Maybe it is too high of an expectation. I think I want to be this mega spiritual, super fun homeschooling soccer mom that is a creative genius and is 100% fun and excitement. I guess you could say that is high expectations. I look at some other homeschool moms who seem to have it all together, and I so want to be like that. Can you hear me sighing? I have retyped this post about 50 times, trying to put my thoughts into words. I must be having writers block. Maybe I will be able to put things into better words tomorrow.