Monday, June 30, 2008


Jeff has been talking about going back to Florida to the Florida Outpouring (where we went in May). He said he would like to go just the two of us, and have Evie stay with family or friends. I would love to go back to Florida. I have never really been away from Evie much at all though. That probably sounds really bad to some people. I have had a whole lot of people tell me it is unhealthy to never be away from your kids. I never left her overnight until she was 2 years old. Jeff and I have left her overnight with family three times total in all of her 6 1/2 years. Once was our anniversary, and we went to a town about 30 minutes from our house. The other time was also our anniversary, and we stayed in the same town we lived in and had family watch Evie. The last time we left her overnight was about 3 years ago. We went about 2 hours away with the youth group teens to Acquire the Fire, so I was away from her for a night and a day. Other than that, I haven't really been away from her. When she was little, I really wanted to have some time away to recharge, but we didn't really have a chance to because we lived far from family and didn't know people in our town well enough to leave her with anyone. I went from wanting to have time away, to not really knowing how to be away from her because I was with her all the time. I know that it would probably be really good for me to take a trip alone with Jeff. It would be a huge step for me.


Jules said...

Okay, mother, grandmother, and early childhood teacher speaking here: it is good for children to know that mum and dad will return after a little absence, but I don't think it has to be an overnight absence or a weekend one. DH and I hardly ever went away without our kids. The two of us would have a night out when we just had some time together, but we rarely left the kids overnight. In fact, I can probably count on one hand the number of times we left our kids with someone else overnight. We loved being with our kids and doing things as a family and I certainly don't think there's anything strange or unhealthy about that.

On the other hand, if you want to go with DH, do so and don't feel guilty. Evie is secure in your love and knows that you will return again. Do what you want and what feels best for your family and forget about what everyone else recommends (even me!).

Kelly said...

I can understand your concerns. My daughter is only 2.5 but I've only been away for hours here and there. And honestly my hubby and I have never gone away at the same time, yet, and left her with others.
I'm more of an attachment parenting style which means that a child should want to start to separate from mom and dad before mom and dad make them separate. Is your daughter old enough to ask her opinion on both of you going away? Can you do a trial night one before you go? See how she handles it before you go off to another state.
Good luck.

Jen said...

Thank you Jules for your encouragement. Jeff's mom talked to me about it today. I'm really not ready to be that far away from Evie yet. She said she and my fil would watch Evie overnight sometime this month so Jeff and I could get away. We wouldn't have to go far. Just a nice one night romantic getaway. The bed and breakfast we had our ladies church luncheon at is really close, and has a kayak package so we could spend the day kayaking :). Jeff would love that, and so would I. It is good to hear from others that haven't left their kids overnight very much! I was starting to feel like I was a bit odd :).

Jen said...

Hi Kelly. I am familiar with attachment parenting, and have become more familiar with it as Evie has gotten older. When Evie was a baby, she was in a sling a lot that I wore around the house. I wish now I would have done even more than that, but at the time I wasn't familiar with ap very much. It's funny, but Evie really wants to stay overnight somewhere without us :)! She keeps asking if she can have sleepovers at friend's houses and at Grandma's. So I guess she is more ready than I am! LOL! I am going to take your advice about starting out slow. We are going to try just one night at first. My mil said she would even watch her overnight once a month if we wanted. She is so good with Evie, and Jeff and I trust her and my fil more than anyone else to watch her. Thank you for the encouragement Kelly!

Daisy said...

Okay Jen, I have to leave a comment, I was just passing by and I need to get off the computer but ... I just wanted to tell you that I'm not much different then you. My dd sleeps over at a friend from churches house from time to time, but that's about it. One time when my children were just past the baby stage I left them a few hours with my neighbour (they're like family) and another time I left them for an afternoon with actual family. Oh and another time when I had to attend a funeral I left them for an afternoon with someone from church. But that's about it. My ds hasn't had a sleep over ( without us being there) anywhere yet ... that is until this weekend! This weekend they are sleeping 2 nights at their cousins house and they are completely excited. I trust that they are in good hands there. There's people few and far between that I trust enough to leave my children with.

Jen said...

Thank you Daisy for your encouraging words! I am feeling much less like an odd parent than I did before, knowing that I am not alone with not wanting to leave Evie!